Bon Voyage, Adieu, and Sayonara to Elizabeth and Billie

It’s been two weeks since I have written. I caught an intestinal bug while in Puerto Vallarta – first time in all of my many visits there – and it knocked my energy for a loop that lasted into early this week. Enough said. All better now. The really big item on this week’s calendar has been the gradual saying goodbye to Billie and Elizabeth who, just this morning, have headed west to Vancouver, not for a visit, but to live there. This move has been in the works for a few months though it became a definite go just a couple of weeks ago. I’ve been a party to on-going discussions about its feasibility and advisability from earliest conception, but its actualization is a seismic experience for me and for our family. Elizabeth moved here nine years ago with one-year old Billie to establish herself in ways that were not possible then in Vancouver. She had lived out west for almost that long, drawn there after an unproductive year at Trent University. Her long-time buddy Meagan was already established there; a brief visit with her had exposed Elizabeth to the unquestionable glories of west coast essence. Besides, she sorely needed to escape her parents and to find her own way of being in the world.

And, over the years she did so. She set down deep roots with many people, friends with whom she has been able to keep in good connection via the now available social media that my generation struggles to master. (I have just begun to use my cell phone for texting, and, at Elizabeth’s suggestion, to take selfies!) She worked a variety of jobs and had two long term relationships, the second with Clayton Mitchell, bearing the considerable fruit of the lovely and continually interesting Billie Nova Mitchell. The relationship did not long survive this event, however, and in just over a year Elizabeth separated from Billie’s dad. I encouraged her to come back to Toronto where social services as well as her family were positioned to help her start over. She came and she flourished. Within a couple of months she had a very good job as an executive assistant and office manager for an agency based at Yonge and Eglinton; an apartment in Toronto’s Little Italy; and, free day care for Billie.

So much has happened in the nine years that we have had Elizabeth and Billie with us. We have had the amazing opportunity of coming together as adults able to struggle through painful feelings and events from earlier days to a place of understanding, acceptance, and love. It was a gradual process, facilitated I believe by Billie’s presence. Having the responsibility and concern for a complex child can make one more open to others who are also involved with her. We all became a part of Billie’s life and we loved her; she helped all of us to grow even as we assisted her in our own ways. Much happened between Elizabeth and her sister, Catherine as well. These two girls so vastly different from one another, physically estranged from about the ages of 16 and 20, had a fresh chance as young mothers to know and appreciate each other. They have become deep friends as well as sisters.

After a couple of years in her office job, Elizabeth knew that she desperately needed a much broader playing field: she was ready to go back to school. With the assistance of student loans she enrolled at Ryerson University to study psychology. I’ll toot her horn here a little: she was an excellent student – as we often are once we are clearer about ourselves than in the years when we are essentially still kids. She was on the Dean’s list throughout her years there; she was named Psychology Student of the Year in her third year; she was given a posting in a research lab for a summer, a job usually only given to graduate students; her advisor was keen to have her carry on graduate studies with him when she completed her BA. At that point though, Elizabeth did not want to stay in school (though I believe she will return at another period). Also she was clear that research of the kind conducted at her university was not sufficiently interesting to her. Like both of her parents she was drawn to working with people. She became very interested in addictions and addiction counselling and talked her way into a ground-level job with an addictions clinic here in Toronto. Despite considerable frustrations with the job’s limitations and her low salary, she persevered and was able to gain valuable experience in group and individual counselling, becoming accredited as an addictions counsellor.

Elizabeth left her job this spring though the clients that she had been seeing opted to come with her rather than to be transferred to someone at the clinic. She has been seeing them here in my office. I have been a sort of “supervisor” for her over the past months, just someone with whom she could touch base about her clients and their issues. Our meetings usually took place over supper at a local schwarma shop while Billie, the hip-hopper, had her class. It’s been clear to me from the beginning that she is a natural at this endeavour. Her caring, intelligent approach, and professionalism shone through when she spoke of her people. I met three of them this week as Elizabeth introduced us. I will be seeing her clients now that she is leaving. She has established strong bonds with them that allow them to trust her recommendation to carry on with their work with her mother. One fellow said to me in her presence, “You must be very proud of your daughter.” “I am indeed,” I replied ever so truthfully!

And now they are heading west. Clayton, Billie’s dad, has kept up excellent connections with both Elizabeth and Billie. In Vancouver Billie will have both of her parents. Elizabeth will not any longer be a single parent. They have many excellent friends there, several of whom have kids Billie’s age. And, Elizabeth is a prime candidate for an excellent job working with addicts in Vancouver’s east side. There is much promise there for them. We know and accept this even as it is painful for all of us to see them go. A new chapter for all concerned. Everything changes all of the time, and we can only go with the flow, being grateful for all we have been given on the journey.